“Being positive has become a new form of moral correctness,” says psychologist Susan David, founder and codirector of the Institute of Coaching at McLean Hospital of Harvard University Medical School, an instructor in psychology at Harvard, and author of Emotional Agility (read an excerpt here).
Suppressing or turning away from our difficult emotions is not healthy or helpful, says David. “What happens is, it undermines our ability to deal with the world as it is, not as we wish it to be,” she says. “This is associated with lower levels of resilience, lower levels of wellbeing, and higher levels of depression and anxiety. And it also impacts our relationships and our ability to achieve our goals.”
If you have some negativity going on, take a few minutes to assess where you feel this hurt in your body, when you might have first felt that hurt, and what might have triggered you. Chances are it’s completely rational to be feeling negative, based on your history, the atmosphere around you, and the fear and anxiety that the news sponsors. If you can give yourself some credit, allow the emotions to run their course, give yourself a pat on the back, and move on, this can assist your developing real tools in a real world. You can energize the emotions to leave your body and mind, by using expressive creative activities like drawing the feeling, sculpting it with clay or paper mache, or simply singing it out, in extemporaneous lyrics or sounds.
Expressing your feelings to someone else, a confidential trusted someone, can be the most healing for our uncomfortable feelings. Sometimes hearing your own words helps clarify the feelings, so you can understand them, accept them and move on. Others can validate you, validate your feelings, and sometimes offer strategies that have worked for them to get through uncomfortable feelings. When others give advise though, sometimes you need to set a limit. It’s not necessary to “cure” you, or “fix” you. You are fine the way you are. You just have some uncomfortable feelings going on, and it’s you who will deal with it, not your friends. Coming through uncomfortable feelings will leave you feeling accomplished, resilient, and empowered. The feelings move on, and what’s left behind is a human being that’s greater for having persevered.
If you’d like to speak with me, I’m a professional life coach. I will listen, give you feedback, ideas, and ways to express and work through uncomfortable feelings- in ways that my practice has found effective for many others. You can pick and choose, listen and talk. Mostly, it’s you doing the talking.
In these times of coronavirus pandemic, we can do all this online or on the phone. Give me a call at 415-2720401. If I’m available, you’ll still need to leave a message!